61 Thoughts I Had While Watching ‘A Merry Little Ex-Mas’ on Netflix

I’m a massive fan of lighting a pine-scented candle, topping my coffee with peppermint creamer that I can’t digest properly, and digging into Netflix’s holiday offerings, from Our Little Secret, starring Lindsay Lohan, to…Falling for Christmas, starring Lindsay Lohan. (LiLo, you will always be seasonally famous!)

The latest movie on my Yuletide film agenda, A Merry Little Ex-Mas, stars Alicia Silverstone as an embittered ex who—I’m guessing—gets some semblance of her groove back. Below, find (literally) every thought I had while watching A Merry Little Ex-Mas.

1. I love a silly little cartoon intro.
2. And I really love Alicia Silverstone in a lead role.
3. Should I rewatch Clueless?
4. Okay, I’ll finish this first.
5. Alicia Silverstone’s movie name is Kate, and she’s an architect (iconic fake rom-com job) who fell for a small-town doctor named Everett.
6. Are there really small towns out there called Winterlight?
7. Granted, I’m from New York City, but come on.
8. Kate and Everett had kids and are getting divorced, and for some reason…the mayor of Winterlight is presiding over the split?
9. Oh, she’s not. She’s just their friend. Sure.
10. “Conscious uncoupling” reference!
11. Run Gwyneth her check, Netflix.
12. Sorry, is Kate’s designated rom-com bestie…Sabrina the Teenage Witch?
13. Alicia is really serving here, hair-wise.
14. Oh, okay, Kate’s not an architect. She builds worm farms (?) and holds “tiny open houses” (??).
15. Gay grandpas! Slay.
16. Kate’s daughter has a very nerdy English boyfriend named Nigel who’s way too into Harry Potter.
17. I like the little bows on Daughter’s knit cap.
18. Oh, God, Nigel’s a Harry Potter tour guide? Delete. Delete the whole man.
19. Oop, Everett is dating someone?
20. Already?
21. Spill the tea, gay grandpas!
22. We love an “I feel” statement, don’t we, folks?
23. “You haven’t stalked her on socials? What kind of an ex are you?” LOL.
24. Okay, let’s not hate on butter sculptures, movie. In the right county-fair context, they can be magical!
25. Oh shit, the new girlfriend is…Jameela Jamil?
26. Okay, Kate, a little classist to be so against your son becoming a local firefighter!
27. I mean, yeah, this small town seems boring as hell, but whatever.
28. Okay, meta rom-com reference!
29. Can we get a moratorium on saying “hashtag” aloud in movies and TV shows?
30. These kids kind of suck. Hang out with your single mom!
31. Speaking as a child of divorce, having clothes purchased for you by your dad’s new girlfriend does work from a warming-up-to-her perspective.
32. Shoutout to my Juicy tracksuit from 2005!
33. Hey, not to be a woke scold or anything, but why is literally everyone in this movie (except Jameela and one of the gay grandpas) white?
34. “I hate ‘I feels’”! Well, Everett, never become a lesbian. That’s all I can say.
35. Should I learn to ski at 32 years old?
36. Ooh, Kate is indeed getting her groove back with Chet, a ripped and dumb-seeming Christmas tree salesman (or something). I love it.
37. “Where’s Tess, on a fake Zoom with the UN?” LOL again.
38. I love how stupid this hot guy is.
39. Aw, and he’s vegetarian! Or vegan! Just like Alicia IRL!
40. I’m proud of Son for roasting Nigel as much as I would want to.
41. This game of exes’ holiday sexual one-upmanship is getting weird.
42. Aw, apology time!
43. Who would possibly think their ex would want to hear that being a shitty husband previously has made them a better husband now? (Spoiler: a cishet man.)
44. Kate’s crashout is sooooooo justified, IMO.
45. Good for Kate for moving to Boston! Moms aren’t the world’s dumping ground!
46. If she ends up staying in this small town because of the magic of family and Christmas or whatever, I’m going to be annoyed.
47. Melissa Joan Hart’s ponytail is giving Miss Piggy’s tail (complimentary).
48. Okay, Tess’s crashout is pretty justified as well.
49. Everett sucks!
50. Damn, Chet is ripped.
51. And good in a crisis!
52. You could do worse.
53. Aaaaaand, Tess is officially out! Good for you, girl.
54. Not to sound like the Grinch, but…family-picture gallery walls are so tacky.
55. Oop, exes’ feet are touching! In cozy knit socks!
56. It’s so on.
57. Emotionally significant power outage time!
58. God, I love holiday movies.
59. Aw, pastry-based redemption for Nigel.
60. Rekindled romance, baby!
61. I want more peppermint coffee.