West Ham’s Tomas Soucek opens up on “two years of horror” with insomnia and depression, which saw him considering retiring from football.
The 30 year old has spoken in his autobiography ‘Suk’, which he wrote with reporters Jan Palička (Seznam Zprávy) and David Čermák (MF DNES), about the harrowing period starting in 2023.
He played matches without getting much needed rest, and used a Whoop bracelet to track his deteriorating sleep patterns. He also hid his condition from family and teammates.
Despite outward success — including West Ham’s Conference League final and Czech Republic’s Euro qualification — no one noticed his internal collapse and eventually sought professional help:.
After time in therapy, using the right medication, and psychiatric support, his now-iconic helicopter goal celebration, first seen in October 2023, was born from this darkness, a symbolic act of “taking off” and finding a love for football again.
West Ham United midfielder Tomas Soucek has said he considered retiring during “two years of horror” spent with insomnia and depression.
The 30-year-old detailed his “unbearable” ordeal in a new autobiography, ‘Suk’, serialised by Czech publication iDNES and written with… pic.twitter.com/SNH9s8PKQP
— The Athletic | Football (@TheAthleticFC) November 11, 2025
He said: Do you know what the whoop bracelet can do? If not, nothing is happening, I had no idea at first either. When I bought it in the fall of 2023, I had to get some advice.
A fairly ordinary black collar that I don’t take off my left wrist measures my heart rate and sleep quality.
You might be thinking: ‘Another smartphone contraption so you have to buy something that you’ll put aside in a week because you realise you don’t need it.’
Well, for whom? You look at the apps on your phone and you can tell by the curve when a person is overloaded, if they could add more during training, what kind of team they have. And most importantly, sleep! I didn’t know where to go anymore.
Two years of horror. I was ashamed to talk about it for a long time. Even my parents, until I decided to write my confession, had no idea that something bad was happening. Something that bothered me so much that I thought about ending my career.
Insomnia. Depression. Fear of the future. My thirteenth chamber. You don’t believe it, do you? I don’t really understand it in retrospect either. Where others won’t put their foot because they’re scared of the pain, I jump headfirst. I can’t count the scars on my body, I finish matches with my head bandaged, but this hurt my soul.
At first it was only slightly annoying, but after a few months it became unbearable. I was at the bottom, I would run into every match without sleep. Every match! Can you imagine? I was afraid of failure, I was afraid of reactions, I was afraid of everything.”
If I showed you my bracelet today, showing how I regenerate after a match, you would know from a simple graph that everything is pretty much fine:
– recovery (regeneration)
– strain
– sleep
The percentages are normal, but the sleep is still not perfect. Fortunately, it is incomparably better than in the months when we advanced to the Conference League final with West Ham and with the Czech national team we saved the qualification for the Euro in Germany with great difficulty.
Do you understand that no one recognized anything about me? Professional footballers are like under a microscope, everything is measured, checked, we are constantly on devices – and nothing special was found with me! And yet I was ripe for a psychiatrist. In the end, I ended up with doctors too, because I couldn’t handle the problem on my own. I needed help.
Pills, doctors, therapy. Helicopter
I felt strong as a lion, invincible. I had a family background that a volcanic eruption wouldn’t destroy. I had money that I wouldn’t spend for the rest of my life. And I also had a problem that I couldn’t solve on my own.
By trying a thousand ways to get out of it, I was sinking deeper into the mud. From match to match, I focused mainly on not sleeping, which actually disturbed me doubly. And that’s why the helicopter was created, my goal celebration. I start to spin slightly and enjoy the feeling of taking off.
For a long time, no one knew what it actually meant. West Ham has a journalist following them to every match, reporting on everything that happens at the club. When I first turned up in October 2023, he was slightly surprised: “What was that, Tom?”
“My secret,” I told him after an easy goal against Newcastle. Emerson selflessly passed me in front of an empty goal and I spun gleefully on my way to the flag. Then a second time, a third time, a fifth time. And our court reporter still on tiptoe: “Are you going to tell me, Tom?”
“I can’t, it’s just mine. I apologize, maybe in time.”
Now is the time.
I became a helicopter because despite the bad times, I can still fly. As soon as I score a goal, I start the propeller and fly to the sky so I can touch the stars again.
Isn’t that down to earth?
Isn’t that embarrassing?
Perhaps for someone who hasn’t experienced this helplessness.
Every goal that I run after, turn around and wave my arms sets me free.
It probably sounded strange in the preview. During a regular training session, I scored a regular goal and spun around. I was even afraid that I would get tangled up too much and fall to the ground. “Hey, Tom, what was that?” someone said.
“Nothing important,” I muttered under my breath. And yet it was extremely important to me. For a long time I thought I would keep the reason for the helicopter to myself, that I would only hint at it. But I’m going to go out with it. The first night, the second, the third, the fifteenth, the hundredth.
Pills, doctors, depression, therapy.
I like it when fans call me a helicopter. It’s a symbol of what I’ve done, what I’ve overcome, and where I am. Today, reporters walk around the Olympic Stadium and ask fans before games: “Can you do the Souček?”
My celebration has become part of West Ham and more importantly part of me. It expresses my inner feeling that I can fight. I have always wanted to get somewhere, to achieve something, to overcome obstacles and stay strong even when I feel weak and lethargic. Hence the helicopter.
After the goal, I lean back, close my eyes, turn around and stop touching the ground. This gesture is not meant to evoke that everything bad is gone, it is more of a return to my roots. To the true love of football that I lost for two years and had to fight for.
The helicopter is a ceremony. My personal celebration of football, without which I cannot imagine my life. Besides, it fits my story perfectly. For a long time I was afraid that if I admitted to depression, people would judge me. But now? Why would I torture myself with it? I have long since given up on the way the boys at Slavia mocked me for being a redneck from Brod. I give up on the fact that I cannot run like Usain Bolt. I give up on the fact that I get yelled at in anonymous discussions. I am above it.
It’s me.
Thomas.
Tomas Soucek.
Knot.
Super Tom, as they say in England.
Or even a helicopter.
I keep seeing on the sensor I wear on my wrist that I could do better and get more sleep before matches. I rarely get into the REM phase, where you dream.
My wife tried to convince me for quite some time in vain: “Tell them. Admit it. No one can tell you a damn thing. You’ve done so much.”
But what could I do? The pressure is merciless in big-time football. Weaknesses are not forgiven. If I reveal that I am vulnerable, the opponent will take advantage of it. Even more so when everyone knows my principles: family is my life, football is my love and winning is my drug.
Of course, I know that this beautiful football story will end one day – and it won’t be long – but at the same time, I don’t see a single reason to give up on it now.
I’m going further. Even with the helicopter, which I’ve started to really enjoy. I can fly to the stars again. After the goal, I’ll lift off the ground and return to my childhood dreams. I need to enjoy that feeling.
He posted via Instagram: “250 games for West Ham United ⚒️
“What a journey it’s been! Playing 250 matches for this incredible club is something I could only dream of when I first arrived. It is an absolute honour to wear this shirt and give everything for these colours every single game.
“A huge thank you to all the fans for your constant support. You are truly amazing and make this club so special.
“Thank you to all my teammates and coaches for pushing me every day and sharing this journey together. It means so much to be part of this group.
“To my family, my everything, thank you for always being by my side through every moment, good and bad. None of this would be possible without you ❤️ @nataliesouckova
“And finally, big congratulations to my brother Jarrod Bowen. We came here on the same day and now we have both reached 250 together. What a journey it has been, mate! 🙌 @jarrodbowen
“Here’s to many more memories in claret and blue 💪⚒️”
