After months trawling the dating apps, you’ve finally met someone you feel you can connect with. Alas, they are working on an oil platform offshore, or perhaps serving in the military overseas doing sensitive work that demands discretion.
Wherever they are in the world, your new romantic interest has endless excuses for why they can’t have a video chat, let alone meet you in person. But they are not so shy about asking for money.
Romance scams are nothing new. Lonely people who are looking for someone to spend their time with have long been the target of criminals – but the fraud is on the increase among older people.
There was a 52% rise in scams among people aged over 55 in the past year, according to research by Lloyds bank. Also increasing are the sums of money that victims are being scammed out of.
It is not just happening on dating sites – fraudsters stalk vulnerable people on social media or gaming forums, says the bank.
Typically the criminal will ask for money for medical emergencies. They might claim they or a relative have been involved in a car accident, or they need travel expenses to visit the crash victim.
Typically the scammer will ask for money for medical emergencies. Photograph: Jeff Moore/PA
The average loss for romance fraud victims of all ages is £5,219, but older people tend to lose more. Lloyds’ figures show 75- to 84-year-olds lost £8,068 each on average.
The scammers can be convincing and manipulative. When one customer was blocked from transferring £10,000 to a person he met online, he bet the bank worker who stopped him £20,000 that the recipient was genuine. The bank refused to put the money through, saying the money would be going to a fraudster.
In another example from the bank, an 80-year-old woman met “Freddie” while she was playing a wordgame on Facebook. He said his son had died working on an oil platform in Germany, and he had to go and take over the job. He told her he had been hit with a tax bill on his return that he did not have the money to pay. She ended up losing £11,000 to the fraud.
Meanwhile, Keith, 86, met “Stephanie” on a dating site, but she would only communicate via text. She convinced him to help with travel costs so she could retrieve an inheritance in Australia. He lost £2,260.
The frauds are often very complex, says Det Supt Oliver Little of the City of London police. “Romance fraudsters are highly manipulative and often operate with chilling precision – coercing victims through emotional control, false urgency and elaborate lies.”
What the scam looks like
Criminals will often post fake profiles on dating sites to attract victims.
While pictures – usually fake – may be exchanged, the fraudsters will typically make excuses for avoiding video calls or in-person meetups. Their story may have inconsistencies or change over time. They can also be quick to profess their love to the person they are talking to.
The likelihood that you are speaking to a female oil rig worker is very low, Lloyds says. Photograph: KENDALL/Alamy
Lloyds highlights that the vast majority of the UK military (96%) are based in Britain. The chances of speaking to a female oil rig worker are also very low as women represent just 3.4% of Britain’s offshore oil and gas workforce.
The scammers will often ask victims to send money via bank transfer or to purchase online gift cards, which are easy to sell on. They may use a sense of urgency or guilt when asking for money
What to do
Stay on a dating app’s messaging system (where scammers can be monitored and have less anonymity) and speak to family and friends before making any decisions, says Little.
“Criminals will try to isolate you – don’t give them the opportunity. Remember, if you haven’t met them in person, you don’t owe them anything,” he adds.
Be wary of people who contact you on social media, and of those who will not meet up.
Liz Ziegler, the retail fraud and financial crime director at Lloyds, says scammers will often make obvious mistakes, so it is important to reflect on what they are telling you and judge whether it sounds believable.
“Never, in any circumstances, send money to someone you’ve [only] met online. No good relationship starts off in this way,” she says.
