Here it is, a glorious September Sunday, and where am I? Out hiking? Apple picking? Playing tennis? Nope. Just sitting here in front of my damn laptop. The weather’s been too nice for staring at screens, but it’s past time to show my blog a little love…and these ugly clothes a little hate.
Nominee #1: Jannik Sinner
I do love the colors of autumn. There’s the vivid canopy of crimson maples and yellow birch, the rich wood tones of acorns kicked and happily skittering along country lanes, the quieter pinks of sedum. But while I appreciate that Sinner’s getting into the spirit of things, sometimes less is more. The Italian looks like he fell into an entire vat of pumpkin spice.
Nominee #2: Frances Tiafoe
The American normally cuts an ferocious figure, but is it possible to take his roar seriously when he’s wearing these laughable tiger stripes? This is not tennis attire. This is a five-year-old’s jammies.
Nominee #3: Naomi Osaka
Multiple people told me Osaka belonged in the face-offs. Well, here she is, but probably not where you all wanted her. I don’t get why people — and you know who you are — liked this getup. Perhaps you were blinded by the rhinestones.
My objections are many. First, there’s the question of color. It’s just TOO purple, like straight-out-of-the-Crayola-box purple. How about some nuance? How about lilac? Or plum? Any other shade would be better than this.
Then there’s the sheer volume of the double bubble skirt. Why would anyone want to play a sport with this much fabric swishing around her legs — although it must be said it didn’t seem to slow Osaka down.
But my main issue with this dress is its silhouette. When I see this dress, all I can think is…
That’s the McDonald’s character Grimace, for you young’uns out there. And don’t you feel silly wanting Grimace on the best-dressed list?
But as I was writing this post, I got to wondering: Why is there a Grimace-dress fast on the heels of Carlos Alcaraz’s Hamburglar outfit at Roland Garros:
Right now you’re thinking, “Surely that’s just a coincidence, Deb.” Is it, though? I fancy myself a bit of an amateur sleuth, having devoured every Nancy Drew book alongside a weekly dose of Scooby-Doo. As I investigated this mystery further, I uncovered this photo:
That’s Venus and Serena, cozying up to the McDonaldland gang in an undated but clearly very old photo! What is going on here?!
Obviously the fast-food giant’s covert influence runs long and deep in this sport, so I’ll have my eye out for more character-themed apparel in the future. I, for one, would pay good money to see a top-10 player competing in a Mayor McCheese-inspired kit:
(Credit for the Hamburglar/Alcaraz observation goes to the always witty Andy Roddick.)
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